As tears streamed down her face, she shared with me she was in the midst of a divorce. She took her Kleenex and wiped away the tears as she told me how emotionally and physically deprived she had felt over their 20-year marriage.
Wow! I’m sure I’m not the only one that knows when God’s timing is perfect. This sweet-spirited lady became my friend a few months before.
As she shared her pain, all I could think about is the Love Languages.
Her number one love language-Touch. Her spouse’s -Receiving Gifts. Let me explain why this can create such an issue.
Last week I told you about how Stan and I rated on the test. If a refresher is needed, go back and read that first.
My number one love language was “Quality Time”, this is awesome because Stan’s number two was “Quality Time”. That means quality time comes naturally for both of us. You see, whatever your gift is, will come so easily from you.
However, Stan’s number one is “Touch”, rut-ro, here is where the problem may hide. Touch is NOT even close to the top for me. What does that mean? It means, I don’t really think about touch that much. I don’t need it that much, I don’t think to give it that much, because it doesn’t fill MY love tank. What can happen over time, if I neglect “Touch” is Stan’s love tank may become very empty. My touching him is a way of filling his tank, making him feel important, loved and cared for. To avoid his feeling “empty” I make notes on my desk, calendar, rearrange my schedule to make sure that I am filling that tank. When we watch TV, I lay on his shoulder, I hold his hand, I snuggle an extra minute longer or maybe I just come up behind him and give him a hug. He knows this isn’t my language, so when I do these things he feels loved even more because he knows that I must make an effort.
Thank God we read the book , “5 Love Languages” and applied the things we learned. Reading the book by itself doesn’t solve the problem. You must put the effort in regularly to maintain results.
Frankly, some people just ignore the signs or simply do not know. My question for you is: Why settle for a good or failing marriage when you could have a great, healthy and thriving marriage?
If you know a young couple that is starting out, get them this book and very seriously request that they go through it together, take the test and put forth the effort. They will not regret it!
Married a long time and just haven’t been able to figure him or her out? Seriously, you may have been cooking big meals over the last 30 years because your language is “Acts of Service” when in reality your partner may have preferred take out, sitting and talking to them because their language is “Quality Time”.
There is a brand new app out called “IHeartUs” that applies the “5 Love Languages” principles. It suggests ideas on how to fill the tank of languages you might not be so strong in or you could google “Love Language Ideas” too! Does this make relationships perfect? No! By no means, but it does allow you to be fulfilled, understand why your significant other behaves the way they do and protect you from a lot of frustrations! When both parties choose to put in the effort, your relationship can be amazing!